Waiting...

"They that wait upon the lord, shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint... teach me Lord, teach me Lord to wait..."

I feel like all we've been doing this year is waiting. Waiting for the next interview, waiting for the next job opportunity, waiting, while all around us people aren't waiting. People get offered not just 1 job but two. People get the job on their first try. People get to fulfill their dreams, People shove how blessed they are and how great their lives are... while we wait... wait to finish one more lesson, wait to get promoted, wait to get better hours, while trying to get by, trying to take control of our lives, trying to be financially stable so we don't depend on family, trying to grow in our marriage, and trying to find God.

And for the longest time I thought maybe it was just that God didn't like us, that we weren't worthy of the blessed life that people talk about, brag about. Maybe I wasn't trying hard enough, maybe we didn't have enough faith... and after not 1, but all 3 of my goals for the month of May fell through I had it.... until that next day I received an e-mail for a second interview, making my 4th goal for the month... what I wanted to do after I met 1-3 became a possibility...

I don't understand why God works they way he does... and I'm not supposed to... This past month I've come to believe that I HAVE to believe in a God that doesn't hand out blessings to people because they are better or try harder... I have be believe that I'm not forgotten... that everyones successes aren't a matter of me being a failure...That maybe God knows what's best for us, and that its time to give up questioning, get rid of the stuff in our life that makes us feel like a failure, and time to focus on the possiblities, time to Listen to where God is pointing us...

"I will sing of your mercy that leads me through valleys of sorrow to rivers of joy....." - The valley song -Jars of Clay